Dispatch No. 29

Mostly a bunch of random shit.

Jan 02, 2025

Tiny Worlds | Volume One is now available for free on the ElevenReader App. Listen to audio versions of my stories on iOS and Android.

If you’re still pining for a physical copy, grab it at Amazon or directly from my website. Don’t forget to leave a review on Goodreads.

Recent stories: The Weight Of Snow | The Zeno Paradox

Missed something? Sketchbook | Stories | Dispatches | Series

Non-Sequiturs

That’s All - A while back, I mentioned to my music support group sponsor
Jason Thompson
how surprising it is that no classic country singer has ever covered Phil Collins' "That's All." I mean, imagine it, a deep, throaty warble paired with a steel guitar and the chicken-plucking of a beat up telecaster would be a parallel universe timeless hit. As it turns out, a Canuck country band named Doc Walker covered it in 2008. While it’s closer to a styled & coiffed/metro version of the Fall Guy1 theme than the gritty, lost recording of a George Jones or Waylon Jennings version I had imagined, it does exist. Maybe this is why we should just leave things alone. See also: Robert Egger’s forthcoming remake of Labyrinth.
Paging Mr. Herman —
Mom: you're daddy is average height but he's extra handsome
4yo: like Pee-wee Herman!
[Pause]
4yo: I think Pee-wee Herman is the handsomest guy
Throwaway lines — I’m a digital packrat, a pixel hoarder who thinks they’ll be useful for *someday*. Files and files of random lines of dialog or other story-worthy lines. But, it’s a new year so I’m cleaning a few from the bin
1. He was as attractive as second-hand nose trimmer
2. 13.1 stickers signifying a half marathon is like you couldn't finish the super burrito.
3. It's a truism that if the cheese on a pizza is too thick the sauce and vegetables won't be able to release steam and this will leave the crust doughy. You don't need Paul Hollywood to tell you this, that's what I'm here for.
4. He was never the same after that golf ball named itself with his head: ping!
Overheard — A group of moms, and me (the only dad), standing outside gymnastics class while one mother is talking about raising and butchering chickens: "I cry every time. I shoot my Jamison, say my prayers, the whole thing."