The game of marbles was great, pulled me right in, and I loved the “Milky Way marble” description. I wonder if the younger kid went back to work the stockroom. I imagine he’d be too scared but I hope he did.
Wow, J. You are so good! I was immediately engaged in that game of marbles! Some stand out lines, for me were:
"...even the marble was surprised." ( I could hear that precise smack of glass.)
"Save for a patch of grass over the septic, the lawn was still dirt-empty." ( I see this.)
"...trying on nonchalance like a paper mustache." ( such a comical metaphor )
The motivations of the two boys was made very clear to us. Yes, the shadows of fathers reverberate forcefully down through the lives of both boys and girls - both negative and positive. Fatherhood is a huge responsibility and weak men fail utterly, both through benign neglect or through brutality.
First, thank you! It’s always interesting which pieces/lines stand out. You know, like I do, it’s sort of a crap-shoot…you never know. And, it’s rarely the ones you think. I’ll have to thank Erma Bombeck for the septic line (my current septic system has no leak issues). And I quite like the mustache reference, too.
And, fathers…there’s so much in that I didn’t, probably still don’t understand, until I had kids of my own. The big and small impressions we make are important.
Thanks again for reading and commenting. I appreciate the thoughts.
I went back and checked the term 3rd world and it may have been used correctly in your piece. It was invented sometime after 1945 so it may fit fine. As you get older even what's 50 years old sounds new.
Very good writing and story. Don't know where you got the verbiage. Sounds like you've read pieces from the time you're recreating. The only thing anachronistic I heard was the term "third world". I think that's a more recent concept.
I loved this. Every word of it.
Thanks Liz!
This story was perfect, and I love the deep dive at the end. You're such a great writer my dude.
Thanks Sean!
Love the nostalgia here created by the game of marbles. You sent me into a Milky Way of marbles-related googling to see what it's all about.
Well done Jim!
Thanks Clancy. Hope you found some gems in your googling…I did. So much fun!
The game of marbles was great, pulled me right in, and I loved the “Milky Way marble” description. I wonder if the younger kid went back to work the stockroom. I imagine he’d be too scared but I hope he did.
This reminded me so much of Stephen King's voice in Stand By Me. Great storytelling.
Thank you. That’s some high praise indeed.
Wow, J. You are so good! I was immediately engaged in that game of marbles! Some stand out lines, for me were:
"...even the marble was surprised." ( I could hear that precise smack of glass.)
"Save for a patch of grass over the septic, the lawn was still dirt-empty." ( I see this.)
"...trying on nonchalance like a paper mustache." ( such a comical metaphor )
The motivations of the two boys was made very clear to us. Yes, the shadows of fathers reverberate forcefully down through the lives of both boys and girls - both negative and positive. Fatherhood is a huge responsibility and weak men fail utterly, both through benign neglect or through brutality.
First, thank you! It’s always interesting which pieces/lines stand out. You know, like I do, it’s sort of a crap-shoot…you never know. And, it’s rarely the ones you think. I’ll have to thank Erma Bombeck for the septic line (my current septic system has no leak issues). And I quite like the mustache reference, too.
And, fathers…there’s so much in that I didn’t, probably still don’t understand, until I had kids of my own. The big and small impressions we make are important.
Thanks again for reading and commenting. I appreciate the thoughts.
Yes I loved “even the marble was surprised”!
I went back and checked the term 3rd world and it may have been used correctly in your piece. It was invented sometime after 1945 so it may fit fine. As you get older even what's 50 years old sounds new.
Very good writing and story. Don't know where you got the verbiage. Sounds like you've read pieces from the time you're recreating. The only thing anachronistic I heard was the term "third world". I think that's a more recent concept.