…Drafted in 2017 during an absurd chapter in American politics. I shake my head at those days. They continue to be a blight. But I still find this funny.
“Holy shit!” Jesus exclaimed as the glass office door closed behind him.
The office was in shambles. Papers littered the floor, alarms blare, and employees cower under desks. A fire smolders somewhere, the scent of melted cubicle walls and plastic thick in the air. Phones ring incessantly. An answered phone would only be met with, “Good morning, can you hold?”
Gavreel, normally chill, rushes up. Months of unwashed hair is twisted in knots. A luggage store has opened and promptly gone out-of-business beneath her eyes.
“Is it really you? Are you back?” Gav asks, looking like she’s seen a ghost.
“Yeah, it was just a holiday—”
Gavreel begins to cry. “Email? Texts?”
Jesus reaches into his satchel, searching. “…My phone plan, hang on.” He hands Gav a baguette, then a fish, and more baguettes. Gav drops them to the floor where they shatter into a thousand more.
“Oh, Christ—” Gav mutters, knocking the phone from his hands. “We’re overrun with prayers!”
“Okay, take a deep breath. Let’s…”
She doesn’t let him finish, “The KKK is back, so are the Nazis!”
A Keurig explodes at the coffee bar.
“Oh, that’s not so good. But I thought we—”
“Trust me, they’re back. That fella said they were ‘very fine people’!”
“Who cares what he said — “
“Guess who’s running the country now?” Gavreel shouts.
Remembering the unfinished paperwork in his desk, Jesus rubs his temples.
Gavreel stretches her neck, exhausted, blowing a matted clump of hair from her face.
Jesus licks his lips, parched, “But, my people —”
“Christians? Jesus! It’s like they forgot everything while you were away.”
Shifting, thinking. Jesus regrets the extra week of silent meditation in Joshua Tree.
Gav grabs his shoulder, bringing him back, “Even people from California are praying.”
Another barrage of telephones ringing. They-just-won’t-stop-ringing.
“Fuuu…” Jesus looks around, taking a deep breath. “But, what about…”
“Nope. The Pope’s dodging our calls.”
His sandals suddenly felt tight, uncomfortable. He wonders if he'd purchased the wrong size. The robe, too, felt a bit hot for the office. He freezes, cocking his head to one side, weighing his next question.
"Does my dad know?"
Gavreel looks at him, knowingly.
Jesus winced.